Post by mrkite23 on Aug 20, 2008 7:06:31 GMT 12
Music is a bit of an obsession with Kite throughout all his life from being at such a young age and after a hard days toll at work there was nothing like playing his favorite albums and he was rummaging through his C.D collection and he pulled out at last after at least five minutes Led Zeppelin 4 or 4 Runes as it was also known as and he put up his feet pointed the remote at the stereo and shut his eyes , the strange rumbling of the beginning of the C.D. came crashing out of the speakers and then”
Hey Hey Mama !” sang Plant ..
“Boy “ said Albert coming into the room “That’s the devils music . “
“Yes Albert I know rock is the devils music , blah blah..”
“No boy it is the devils music , we wrote it for him “ said Albert who then sat down and picked up the C.D.
“And that boy “ he said pointing to the cover of the C.D. “Is me depicting my wilderness years”
Kite opened his eyes and looked at the C.D in Albert`s hand , on the cover was a man , an old man in fact with a large amount of sticks on his back and a walking stick in a painting nailed to a wall of a derelict house .
“My god Albert are you telling me your on the cover of a Zeppelin album ?”said Kite
“Of course , I knew the boys well , we were in the same order “
“Same order . What`s that then ? head shoulders knees and toes “ said Kite staring at the cover of one of the greatest albums ever made and it had the old bugger on it “
“Order of the Golden Dawn boy , well I were “
“Were?” said Kite.
Well I havn`t paid my subs for a good few years “ said Albert .
“So ..What is the order of the Golden Dawn “ asked Kite as the first track Black Dog had finished .
“Oh just a satanic club where you could go and watch the odd virgin being sacrificed and when we had no virgins we used “
“Goats “ said Kite
“That’s right boy , how did you know , did you go ?“
“No Albert , I didn’t go , its just I think we have done this sketch before “ said Kite slowly shaking his head .
“Have we ? De ja vu, now where was I , oh yes the devils music, yes me and the lads wrote the album for the Devil “said Albert , with a strange look in his eye and then a huge grin .
“So you wrote songs with Led Zeppelin for the Devil , and did he like them ?”
“Funny boy , I don’t know I havnt seen him since that strange night back in the late 1940`s at Boleskine House on Loch Ness in Scotland “
“What ! You have seen the devil …Bolskine House , I have heard of that place “
Kite looked as though smoke would soon come out of his ears , then carried on
“So how the devil , oh sorry no pun intended !, do you get to meet the devil in the forties and write a song with Zeppelin who wern`t even out of there nappies ?”
“Ah well it all started ..”
"Hang on I`ll put the kettle on “ said Kite and he ran into the kitchen and then a minute later came back again .
“It all started when I went to Scotland after the War, I thought I would try and find the Holy Grail as I had lost an arm during the War “
“Lost an arm !” said Kite
“Yes I was shot down in my Spitfire and that was the end of the War for me “
“How long did you fight for ?” asked Kite
“A week , anyway I was looking for the Grail as we all know it`s in Scotland and it has magical powers that bring back limbs and the sight of the blind and looks quite nice on a mantle piece
I realized I was beating a dead horse as it waas`nt like the days of old when you could always find a mystic on any street corner and I was getting very hungry so I thought I`d better start looking for a job for some money and went off to the job centre I did go , but it was a bit tricky working when you only have one arm “
“I can imagine “ said Kite trying desperately to come up with a man with one arm joke but he drew a blank.
“So I see this job in the job centre window “
Butler required must be handy[!] have experience with live stock and draw good Pentangles
“ so I went in the Job Centre and I waited my turn and then I was called to a desk , where this odd looking gentleman sat , he had a bald head very large glasses and a tweed jacket, and I could have sworn he had a dress on “
“Can I help you laddie ?” “he says
“Laddie I`m over two thousand years old says I and I told him that the butler job was for me and he said
“well how was I going to wash up with just one arm ?”
“ I told him if I didn’t get the job I would set fire to his dress “
And he said how the devil would you strike the match with just one arm how would you hold the box ?”
With that I grabbed him by his tie and told him I still have two legs and I was a world arse kicking champion , and with that he gave me the address .
I arrived at the edge of the Loch and could have sworn I saw a large beastie in the water ,the Mansion was a huge well Mansion and at there was a pair of large iron gates and with the numbers 666 bent into the frame of them “
“Spooky “
“Yes very ..I went through them and made my way to the house and arrived at the door as I was just about to knock the door opened and there was a young women dressed in a maids uniform with skin so pale with blonde bobbed hair cut and pregnant .
“My name is Rosemary “ she said to me as there wasn’t no else around
“I am the maid and cook of the house , will you follow me ?” .
“She took me to a door where upon she knocked on it and from inside the room a voice could be heard
“Enter !“ it said and she opened the door and palmed her had in the direction of the room of which I entered and she closed the door behind me and left me stood there .
“Come sit down , join me sir , I take it you’re the new butler “ said a voice once again and I walked towards a fire place where there was two chairs and in one sat a well dressed man .
“ My name is Aleister Crowley and I am your new employer ..by jove sir you have only got one arm !”
So I explained how I lost it and he seemed very understanding and said that he new someone who had one leg and never had any problems only when it came to football or bike riding “ he said
There was a little bell on a small table and he rang it
“Yes sire “
“Jesus !” where did she come from , it was Rosemary stood right behind me .
“Can you tell the lady of the house that our new butler is here , I would like her to meet him “
“Sire “ she said and set off to the door in the other end of the room and with that a woman appeared from the other side of the room and a woman who looked almost the same as the maid who had just left the room came towards us.
“yes dear “ she said
“This is our new butler my dear his name is …what is your name sir ?”
“Albert Van Helsing “ she said before I could answer .
“You know this man my dear ?“said Crowley , “Yes we have met in another lifetime have we not ?”
“Well apart from you not having a bump in your mid drift , I would have said you just lead me to this room “ I said .
“Hang on a minute Albert are you saying they are twins or even clones ?” said Kite
“No they were not exactly the same and this one was`nt pregnant but I had a strange feeling that this woman was not full blooded human that’s for sure “
“This is my wife Rose “ said Crowley and she held out her hand and I shook it and it , her hand was stone cold and there was a smell of Sulphur “
Sulphur ? “ said Kite
“yeah, that old smell of burning and she didn’t seem to blink , very unnerving indeed “
She then she turned and headed out of the room and the candles seemed to go dim .
“So then Albert you think you will be happy here ?” said Crowley
“Yes sir , I will , I just have to remember your wife is called Rose and the Maid is called Rosemary and she is having a baby , may I asked is there a father to the child and does he also work for you ?”
Crowley face turned from a smile to a grimace and then got a poker and started to poke the fire and the flames started get excited and began dancing up towards the chimney .
“The father is not with us at this moment in time , but I am sure you will be meeting him soon, interesting how my wife seemed to know you , have you been involved in dark arts ? “
"I painted a sun set once "
"Hmm" said Crowley and with that , he picked up the bell and as it rang , Rosemary was behind me as if she had been there all the time .
“Show Albert to his room my dear , I have things to do “
He sat back down in his chair and picked up a book that was opened on the table and he raised it to his face which was now a red warm glow from the heat of the fire , the cover of the book was red and the title was “Magik Without Tears “ and the authors name was Aleister Crowley .
“Ah yes I know this man now he is on the cover of The Beatles Sgt .Pepper album “ said Kite .
“I was shown to my room and I decided to get some sleep and I must have instantly fell into a fitful sleep for a few hours for when I woke up on my bed still dressed the room was dark and from my window I could see a full moon .
I was now gagging for a drink so I set off to find the kitchen and as I was walking across the landing I passed a room and I could hear a voice and there was a light under the door so I thought ..
I better see I there was anything I could do , you know see if anyone wanted a late night snack or..”
“You mean you were being nosey “ Interrupted Kite .
“No I was just doing my job , and I slowly opened the door and inside was Crowley with a black cloak on and in front of him on the floor surrounded by candles was a pentangle drawn out in chalk and he had a headless chicken held by its feet and blood gushing into the middle of the pentangle and he was saying theses words .
“Manifestation of Lucifer the unveiling of the company of heaven , every man and every woman is a star every number is infinite there is no difference be thou Lucifer my secret centre of my heart and tongue , I worship thee Lucifer and behold the number 23 and my light shed over you .
Let my servants be few and secrets of the number 23 shall be unknown to son of Adam , I am above you and in you and my joy is your joy and I behold the splendour of Lucifer “
“Blimey you have a good memory , and did he say 23 and a shed ?” said Kite
“Hang on I`ve not finished “ said Albert and he carried on .
“There was a flash and a large puff of smoke in the middle of the pentangle was a horned beast “
“Bull?”
“No no it was Lucifer himself and he stood seven foot tall and all red and a large tale coming from behind him and he was as naked as new born baby “
“Blimey ! So what happened next ?
“I don’t know I shut my eyes , I cant look at another naked man , or devil in fact “
“I see “ said Kite rolling his eyes “ So what did you do next ?”
“I went and got a drink and went to bed “
“Great ..” said Kite
“The next morning I got up bright and early and I went downstairs and I went into the kitchen and Rosemary was making breakfast and she saw me .
“Morning Albert , we have an extra guest this morning a Mr Lucifer , so I`ve done extra toast and he likes it well done “ she said and with that she passed me the tray
“Has he got clothes on ?” I asked
“No he has a dressing gown on “ she replied .
Thank god for that and I went to the dinning room with tray in hand , I got to the room and at the table was sat Crowley and The Devil himself in a white Dressing gown a night cap on his head and slippers on that were torn at the front and pointing out were his talon feet
“Morning Albert “ said Crowley “ Hope you slept well , we have a visitor , he arrived last night , he comes from abroad he`s been on a cruise “
“Nice Tan “ said I
“Thank you “ said the red one and the rooms cutlery shook and a dog howled outside ..
I put the tray on the table and left the two to their tea and toast .
I just got my hand on the door handle and Crowley spoke “Albert I have a question for you “ he said .
“Yes sir ?”
“How would you like to get your arm back ?”
I thought for a moment and knew the chances of me finding the Holy Grail was slim so I said “Yes “
Jolly good show old man , meet me at midnight in the room you saw me in last night and we can see what we can do “
Well bugger me he heard me at the door last night and I must admit I was quieter than a mouse on a Cats Cattery Xmas outing.
I thought well if he can summon the Devil I am sure my arm would be a breeze .
Later that night well five to twelve to be precise I got to the room and went through the door and inside was Crowley in a black robe his wife in a red robe and Rosemary sat on the Devils lap who was sat in a large chair and at the center of the room was a Pentangle drawn in white chalk and the whole room was lit by candle light .
“Come in Albert we are ready for you “ Said Crowley and so I did .
“Right then , I just have to and get a chicken
My wife will explain what is going to happen “ and with that Crowley left the room .
“ I will just do a few spells and I shall bring my Spirit guide Horus to the Land of the living ..” she says
“Horus ?” I interrupted .
“Yes he is my spirit guide , he came to me on our trip to Egypt and he now guides me through life and the odd gardening , you have heard of Horus then sir ?” she asks me
“I have heard about him somewhere “ I lied .
“He lies , he is an Astral Traveller “ said the Devil and a dog howled outside .
I should have known he would be onto me , as he was the Devil , so I owned up .
"oh yes thats right , he`s the Sun god , so he`s your spirit guide then ?"
"He is and he says that you should not be allowed the secret of reincartnation as you was not a noble birth or ever became a Pharoh " said Mrs Crowley .
The the Devil piped up .
"And we have got you here for a reason "
"My arm ?" said I .
"No ! he said "We need your soul for my child who lies in this mortals womb " he says pointing at Rosemary`s bump" And your a Astral Traveller and he will live for eternity " and a Cat meowed outside .
So the Devil points his finger at me and low and behold , I was dead again I died in the room .
“You what ?” said Kite .
“Died , I died on the 23rd of December 1947 and two days later the maid Rosemary went into labour and she gave birth to a child and which she named Albert because she was guilt ridden about my untimely death and that the Devil was in a not so much Christmas mood as his fellow Angel Jesus getting all the attention of the world at this particular time . “
“Well I have heard some stories, so your reincarnated as Rosemarys baby ! ,
what about the snake and all the that jiggery pockery ?"
"Well the Devil was a snake for killing me " said Albert
"Oh Dear ..so let me get this right here, your the son of the Devil ?"
"I suppose I am , but I never felt any different than my other lives , except I loved Halloween and The Exorcist was my favorite movie and apparently my christening was a nightmare "
"What happened next ?”
“I was the son of a maid until Crowley died and my mother had to move away , but I stayed on as a gardener and I lived in the grounds , until one day a young musician bought the house and he kept me on and we became good friends and he became very interested in the Occult and he joined the order called the Golden Dawn and he didn’t want to go on his own so he asked me to go with him and joined and we went to the meetings every Tuesday night except in Spring as it was the Master of order s holidays to Kirkcudbrightshire in Scotland where he would be in charge of the burning of the Wicker Man and the lucky winner of the annual raffle who got to be put in the large Wicker Man and go and meet his maker .”
“I see , so who is this musician then ?“ asked a stunned Kite
“Jimmy Page “
And Kite was stunned again “ I thought I had heard of that place! “
“So we got very much into Black Magic and the Occult so we thought we would pay tribute the Devil himself , as I had no hard feelings towards the Dark one and we wrote Stairway To Heaven , very tongue in cheek or what , and if you play it backwards there is our message to the Devil himself “
And with that Albert picked up the CD case and pointed to the old man with sticks on his back
“That my boy, is me “ he said with a grin .
Get Thee Behind Me Satan