Post by mrkite23 on Apr 24, 2008 5:38:27 GMT 12
Mr Kite s Diary
August 23rd 2014
Its been almost 3 years now since the Virus that was created to stop the common cold and flu symptoms and so help the human race to be free of a week off work and daytime television , which the latter would be worse in my eyes but there you go .
The trouble was it had side effects .
Me and Albert had decided to have a few weeks away in the Time Machine and go to the year of 1967 and take in the summer of love.
Albert wanted to go and see The Pink Floyd [ Albert's favorite band at the moment ] and my chance to see the legend Jimi Hendrix and have a trip of a lifetime .
With my fear of needles I was n`t in no hurry to go back and get a shot of this miracle cure for a cold.
Lo and behold when we get back about 98 percent of the human race have turned into zombies and they sat at home all day watching day time television ! Oh the irony of it all , but they come out at night because they don't seem to like sunlight [ Just like mosher`s and game console children ].
The house is now secured with bars and steel doors and we have a sound system with speakers all around the outside of the house so we play none stop rock all day and night because I`m guessing zombies who stay at home watching daytime T.V must no way like anything that has class .
But we do get a few Mosser zombies hanging around all night and skateboarding off high steps and whoever falls off first gets eaten .
All the animals have survived , so we have a few chickens and a cow in the back garden so we omelets for breakfast , dinner, and tea . well I love omelette's , good job really .
August 29th.
After breakfast [ omelette's ] and with all the zombies off the streets , I set off on my daily walk to the DVD shop and record shop .
I was on the letter P in the DVDs and luckily for me Zombies did n`t know how to work a DVD player so they were all mine .
I had realized that this was now my third time on the P`s and how many great films start with P, not many
Only Papillon and Pulp Fiction , got to be Pulp fiction again but I almost know it word for word "
" And you will know my name is the lord when I Lay my vengeance upon you "
I said to no one , because there was no one in the shop except me a large lifelike cardboard cut out of Uma Thurman in her yellow Kill Bill suit .
"Hi Uma how`s it going ? "..... no answer .
How long is she going to ignore me, Iv`e seen Kill Bill about sixty times now and I can safely say , I`m her no 1 fan , hell I`m her only fan !.
Next stop the record shop and off to the town hall to see if any other possible survivors had read my banner which said .
IF YOUR READING THIS AND YOUR NOT A ZOMBIE AND LIKE OMELETTE'S PLEASE MEET ME HERE WHEN THE SUN IS AT ITS HIGHEST IN THE SKY [ 12.00 clock if you have a watch .]
Mr Kite .
The humor of the banner was wearing a bit thin after several hundred reads , but well if there was anyone out here, they would have to have something to laugh at in these bleak times .
August 25th .
After breakfast [ omelette's ] I set off to the DVD shop as usual , and thinking how many great films begin with Q
As I got to the shop the door was open , oh , Jesus and his 12 mates I`m sure I had shut it behind me , but with all the excitement of watching Pulp Fiction again I must have left it open
No couldn't have done , so I slowly walked up to the open door , and peeped inside the shop .
A Lady Zombie !
Now what on Earth would a lady Zombie be doing in a DVD shop ?
Probably renting out Dawn Of Dead !
Here was a chance to capture a Zombie and take it back home as Albert`s company was wearing a bit thin and I could learn her to hover and play Drafts.
It was Stuck in the shop and it was still daylight outside there was no way she was getting out of there .
I went in a nearby superstore and got a large blanket and some rope and set off back to the DVD shop
When I got back there she was still in the shop , must n`t be able to find a decent Zombie film I thought to my self and thinking that would be a funny thing to write in my Diary later.
I crept in the shop and threw the blanket over her and quickly tied her up and took her home in a shopping trolley .
"Albert , I`m back ! "
"What did you get ?" he shouted not even bothering to look up as he was busy cooking dinner , yes the old man had finally got into doing a bit around the house now and again .
"A Zombie !" I replied throwing the said creature in the wardrobe and tied the handles together .
"That`s not a Q film boy that`s a Z !" he said .
"No not a film , a Zombie , a lady Zombie and she was in the DVD shop "
"A Zombie in the DVD shop! what the blazes was it doing in there ?"
"Renting a DVD ?"
Thinking that would be a funny little thing also to put in my Diary .
"Ha Ha ! the Kite is a comedian, so what the hell have you brought it back here for ?"
"I might keep it as a pet or something I do`nt know, anyway I`m starving whats for dinner ? "
"A pet !, that bugger will rip your throat out first chance it gets , and for dinner it Omelet special " he said .
"Whats an Omelet special ?"
"Its Omelet with not much milk in , the cow`s dry ed up again , its half scared to death every night , its never going to produce a lot of milk " .
"I can`t do much about that with those Zombies walking around at night "
"Zombies, its not them its that bloody rock music you play "
"And how in Octania do you know that ?"
"He told me "said the old fool .
"There you go and I thought I was losing my mind with just you to talk to. "
After dinner we decided to get the Zombie out and see if there was a glimpse of any normality coming back to these poor creatures .
After several minutes of fighting with the lady Zombie I managed to tie her to the chair.
We stood back and pondered what to do next .
"Well boy I don't think we are going to tame this one and I don't think you would be going round to her parents and having tea , without you ending up as er... Tea "
"I think you might be right , I think we will talk to her and see what happens ".
"Hello miss " I said to the lady Zombie, politely .
"ARRRGH !" she said .
"I think it would help if you took the gag off " said Albert.
"Oh , yeah ,hello miss " I tried again very cautiously taking of the gag around her mouth .
"Arrrgh " she said .
"so much for a decent conversation with someone other than you old man, I think we better let her go ".
"Well that`s fine, but don't you think she will bring the others here as she now knows where we live and they will have us as a main course ".
"No Albert I think that this virus is never going to go away and I think we need to go back in time and warn the government what a disaster the cold cure is going to be"
"And how are you going explain to the government that you have a time machine in your back garden and you went back to the sixties a couple of days and when you came back the whole planet was turning into Zombies ?"
"Yeah a bit tricky that "
"A bit tricky !" said Albert shaking his head .
"I have an idea, I cant spend the rest of my life with just you and the cat to talk too and a diet of omelets " .
We blind folded the Zombie and got her back in the trolley and took back to the shop and let her go and we ran like hell as now it was getting dark and daytime T.V. was nearly over and those Zombies would be getting very hungry .
The inventor of the wonder drug that wiped out most of the human race was a certain Miss Crippin and I thought we should pay her a visit
We set the Time Machine for the date 11 January 2008, and the destination was Dr Crippin`s house in London late at night and we knock on the door .
A woman answered the door and she looked remarkably like the Zombie lady , no that was impossible.
"Hello miss Crippin" I said.
"Urrgh" she said .
"Sorry!" ?
"You two smell awful " she said holding her nose .
"Oh , yeah sorry where we have come from the hot waters run out and Albert's not that keen on baths as it is ."
"And where is that the Canal bridge where all you homeless people hang out ?" she said .
"No from the future where all your Zombies hang out " said Albert.
With that she tried to shut the door on us and that was were we jumped her and tied her up and took her in the house and tied her to a chair .
"Arrgh " she said .
"We will take the gag off in a minute miss but first we have something to tell you about the miracle drug your about use and wipe out the human race with "
"Straight to the point there boy" said Albert .
With this she seemed to stop struggling and we took off the gag .
"I have some pictures to show you of the effects of the virus on the people who did nt die from the cold cure " I said to her .
I showed her the pictures of what she had unknowingly created .
"That`s a cat !" she said .
"Oh yeah sorry , I was just testing my camera " I said feeling myself going all flushed.
After I showed her the pictures of the lady Zombie and the deserted cities she seemed shocked .
"So miss Crippin do you believe us now ?"
"Well ..if that`s the future how did you get back here ?"
"Its a long story but I have a time machine that was invented by the brilliant professor I Burntoast ."
"Oh yes I have heard of him he was a genius , but no one could take his work serious when it came to time traveling ". she said .
"Well his invention works and thank lord it does because I think it might save the human race ". said Albert .
"I guess so , I will destroy the virus right away and stop my work on the cure " she said.
"There`s one thing I have to ask you , please can you not tell anyone about us and our Time Machine , because one thing is that if the government gets hold of the machine , its only going to cause chaos and I don't want to end up on F.B.I.s most wanted list ."
"No I wont , I can imagine that a thing like that in the hands of a government would be a disastrous out come " she said .
"Thank you , we shall be off then and sorry about the gag and everything , and let you get on with whatever you was doing "
"Oh I was just watching a DVD " she said .
"Yeah really , what was it ?"
"Dawn Of The Dead " she said .
"Oh ! your a horror fan ! goodbye miss Crippin .
We got back home and with all the excitement of saving the human race I was starving and went straight to the fridge
"Whats for tea then boy?" asked the old man .
"Well we don't have much , well we don't have anything , only eggs , do you fancy a omelet Albert ?"
"Nice, I love em " said the old man .
September 1st .
Traveled back back to 2011
Decided to take a trip to the DVD Store and I`m sure I saw the lady Zombie I`d captured looking in the Horror section .
Not as though I be able to have a conversation about our other encounter .
I decided on the Omega Man and on my way out said my goodbye`s to Uma Thurman
August 23rd 2014
Its been almost 3 years now since the Virus that was created to stop the common cold and flu symptoms and so help the human race to be free of a week off work and daytime television , which the latter would be worse in my eyes but there you go .
The trouble was it had side effects .
Me and Albert had decided to have a few weeks away in the Time Machine and go to the year of 1967 and take in the summer of love.
Albert wanted to go and see The Pink Floyd [ Albert's favorite band at the moment ] and my chance to see the legend Jimi Hendrix and have a trip of a lifetime .
With my fear of needles I was n`t in no hurry to go back and get a shot of this miracle cure for a cold.
Lo and behold when we get back about 98 percent of the human race have turned into zombies and they sat at home all day watching day time television ! Oh the irony of it all , but they come out at night because they don't seem to like sunlight [ Just like mosher`s and game console children ].
The house is now secured with bars and steel doors and we have a sound system with speakers all around the outside of the house so we play none stop rock all day and night because I`m guessing zombies who stay at home watching daytime T.V must no way like anything that has class .
But we do get a few Mosser zombies hanging around all night and skateboarding off high steps and whoever falls off first gets eaten .
All the animals have survived , so we have a few chickens and a cow in the back garden so we omelets for breakfast , dinner, and tea . well I love omelette's , good job really .
August 29th.
After breakfast [ omelette's ] and with all the zombies off the streets , I set off on my daily walk to the DVD shop and record shop .
I was on the letter P in the DVDs and luckily for me Zombies did n`t know how to work a DVD player so they were all mine .
I had realized that this was now my third time on the P`s and how many great films start with P, not many
Only Papillon and Pulp Fiction , got to be Pulp fiction again but I almost know it word for word "
" And you will know my name is the lord when I Lay my vengeance upon you "
I said to no one , because there was no one in the shop except me a large lifelike cardboard cut out of Uma Thurman in her yellow Kill Bill suit .
"Hi Uma how`s it going ? "..... no answer .
How long is she going to ignore me, Iv`e seen Kill Bill about sixty times now and I can safely say , I`m her no 1 fan , hell I`m her only fan !.
Next stop the record shop and off to the town hall to see if any other possible survivors had read my banner which said .
IF YOUR READING THIS AND YOUR NOT A ZOMBIE AND LIKE OMELETTE'S PLEASE MEET ME HERE WHEN THE SUN IS AT ITS HIGHEST IN THE SKY [ 12.00 clock if you have a watch .]
Mr Kite .
The humor of the banner was wearing a bit thin after several hundred reads , but well if there was anyone out here, they would have to have something to laugh at in these bleak times .
August 25th .
After breakfast [ omelette's ] I set off to the DVD shop as usual , and thinking how many great films begin with Q
As I got to the shop the door was open , oh , Jesus and his 12 mates I`m sure I had shut it behind me , but with all the excitement of watching Pulp Fiction again I must have left it open
No couldn't have done , so I slowly walked up to the open door , and peeped inside the shop .
A Lady Zombie !
Now what on Earth would a lady Zombie be doing in a DVD shop ?
Probably renting out Dawn Of Dead !
Here was a chance to capture a Zombie and take it back home as Albert`s company was wearing a bit thin and I could learn her to hover and play Drafts.
It was Stuck in the shop and it was still daylight outside there was no way she was getting out of there .
I went in a nearby superstore and got a large blanket and some rope and set off back to the DVD shop
When I got back there she was still in the shop , must n`t be able to find a decent Zombie film I thought to my self and thinking that would be a funny thing to write in my Diary later.
I crept in the shop and threw the blanket over her and quickly tied her up and took her home in a shopping trolley .
"Albert , I`m back ! "
"What did you get ?" he shouted not even bothering to look up as he was busy cooking dinner , yes the old man had finally got into doing a bit around the house now and again .
"A Zombie !" I replied throwing the said creature in the wardrobe and tied the handles together .
"That`s not a Q film boy that`s a Z !" he said .
"No not a film , a Zombie , a lady Zombie and she was in the DVD shop "
"A Zombie in the DVD shop! what the blazes was it doing in there ?"
"Renting a DVD ?"
Thinking that would be a funny little thing also to put in my Diary .
"Ha Ha ! the Kite is a comedian, so what the hell have you brought it back here for ?"
"I might keep it as a pet or something I do`nt know, anyway I`m starving whats for dinner ? "
"A pet !, that bugger will rip your throat out first chance it gets , and for dinner it Omelet special " he said .
"Whats an Omelet special ?"
"Its Omelet with not much milk in , the cow`s dry ed up again , its half scared to death every night , its never going to produce a lot of milk " .
"I can`t do much about that with those Zombies walking around at night "
"Zombies, its not them its that bloody rock music you play "
"And how in Octania do you know that ?"
"He told me "said the old fool .
"There you go and I thought I was losing my mind with just you to talk to. "
After dinner we decided to get the Zombie out and see if there was a glimpse of any normality coming back to these poor creatures .
After several minutes of fighting with the lady Zombie I managed to tie her to the chair.
We stood back and pondered what to do next .
"Well boy I don't think we are going to tame this one and I don't think you would be going round to her parents and having tea , without you ending up as er... Tea "
"I think you might be right , I think we will talk to her and see what happens ".
"Hello miss " I said to the lady Zombie, politely .
"ARRRGH !" she said .
"I think it would help if you took the gag off " said Albert.
"Oh , yeah ,hello miss " I tried again very cautiously taking of the gag around her mouth .
"Arrrgh " she said .
"so much for a decent conversation with someone other than you old man, I think we better let her go ".
"Well that`s fine, but don't you think she will bring the others here as she now knows where we live and they will have us as a main course ".
"No Albert I think that this virus is never going to go away and I think we need to go back in time and warn the government what a disaster the cold cure is going to be"
"And how are you going explain to the government that you have a time machine in your back garden and you went back to the sixties a couple of days and when you came back the whole planet was turning into Zombies ?"
"Yeah a bit tricky that "
"A bit tricky !" said Albert shaking his head .
"I have an idea, I cant spend the rest of my life with just you and the cat to talk too and a diet of omelets " .
We blind folded the Zombie and got her back in the trolley and took back to the shop and let her go and we ran like hell as now it was getting dark and daytime T.V. was nearly over and those Zombies would be getting very hungry .
The inventor of the wonder drug that wiped out most of the human race was a certain Miss Crippin and I thought we should pay her a visit
We set the Time Machine for the date 11 January 2008, and the destination was Dr Crippin`s house in London late at night and we knock on the door .
A woman answered the door and she looked remarkably like the Zombie lady , no that was impossible.
"Hello miss Crippin" I said.
"Urrgh" she said .
"Sorry!" ?
"You two smell awful " she said holding her nose .
"Oh , yeah sorry where we have come from the hot waters run out and Albert's not that keen on baths as it is ."
"And where is that the Canal bridge where all you homeless people hang out ?" she said .
"No from the future where all your Zombies hang out " said Albert.
With that she tried to shut the door on us and that was were we jumped her and tied her up and took her in the house and tied her to a chair .
"Arrgh " she said .
"We will take the gag off in a minute miss but first we have something to tell you about the miracle drug your about use and wipe out the human race with "
"Straight to the point there boy" said Albert .
With this she seemed to stop struggling and we took off the gag .
"I have some pictures to show you of the effects of the virus on the people who did nt die from the cold cure " I said to her .
I showed her the pictures of what she had unknowingly created .
"That`s a cat !" she said .
"Oh yeah sorry , I was just testing my camera " I said feeling myself going all flushed.
After I showed her the pictures of the lady Zombie and the deserted cities she seemed shocked .
"So miss Crippin do you believe us now ?"
"Well ..if that`s the future how did you get back here ?"
"Its a long story but I have a time machine that was invented by the brilliant professor I Burntoast ."
"Oh yes I have heard of him he was a genius , but no one could take his work serious when it came to time traveling ". she said .
"Well his invention works and thank lord it does because I think it might save the human race ". said Albert .
"I guess so , I will destroy the virus right away and stop my work on the cure " she said.
"There`s one thing I have to ask you , please can you not tell anyone about us and our Time Machine , because one thing is that if the government gets hold of the machine , its only going to cause chaos and I don't want to end up on F.B.I.s most wanted list ."
"No I wont , I can imagine that a thing like that in the hands of a government would be a disastrous out come " she said .
"Thank you , we shall be off then and sorry about the gag and everything , and let you get on with whatever you was doing "
"Oh I was just watching a DVD " she said .
"Yeah really , what was it ?"
"Dawn Of The Dead " she said .
"Oh ! your a horror fan ! goodbye miss Crippin .
We got back home and with all the excitement of saving the human race I was starving and went straight to the fridge
"Whats for tea then boy?" asked the old man .
"Well we don't have much , well we don't have anything , only eggs , do you fancy a omelet Albert ?"
"Nice, I love em " said the old man .
September 1st .
Traveled back back to 2011
Decided to take a trip to the DVD Store and I`m sure I saw the lady Zombie I`d captured looking in the Horror section .
Not as though I be able to have a conversation about our other encounter .
I decided on the Omega Man and on my way out said my goodbye`s to Uma Thurman